The winds of a storm blow outside my Tahansi Jim’s trailer. He has long gone to sleep but I am up listening to the house creak and talk to me as I sit here in the quiet of the night.
The winds of change have been blowing in my mind and through my heart for almost a year now and I find the world carries on at its own pace.
“Stay”… a voice talks to me. “Stay in the present”. It is kind and loving. I let it seep into my ear and feel it as it travels down my neck and into my being.
Heart beating at a steady easy rhythm. Wind surrounds me.
Hands holding me still. “Stay,” I hear once again…
It was a long drive and the words echo through my head. “There is a place for you here in my heart,” I tell myself.
She is walking along the road. i stopped and picked her up. “Where are you going on this cold night? it is not a safe place to be.”
She just smiled and said thank you for stopping. “I am going to visit my granny tonight. I had no way of going there,” she replied.
“My family have all left me. They tell me I need to get a better grasp of life because I cannot make it in the city. But I am going to see my granny because she told me I should not be in the city anyways.”
“You cannot survive there because you are meant to carry on our family traditions. The city will only eat you up”.
She chuckled at that thought. ” Yanno I thought about that for many years”. “I had a family but the white people took my children away”. “They said I was unfit to be of any use to them, and they will put them in foster homes where they will have better attention.”
“I don’t know where they are now. Some say that they may have gone to Edmonton or maybe Regina… I just don’t know”.
“So I have been working just to make ends meet but I always remember what my granny said. So I am coming home for good”.
“Maybe my children will come back and I can teach them all that my granny taught me”.
I just listened and we drove into the night.
“Hey you have satellite radio!!!”
“Yes I do. You can pick a channel if you want. I just finished listening to the Monday Night Football game”
“Who won?” she asked not really paying attention as she flipped thru the stations.
“Carolina beat New England,” I said. equally not paying attention to what I told her.
“Cool,… you have jazz music?” she blurted out. “I love Jazz music. Granny and I love that music.” She recognized the song and started to sing along.
“Summertime,… and the living is easy…. Catfish are jumping and the cotton is high…. Your daddy’s rich and your momma’s good looking So hush little darling…. don’t you cry”
“Ella sings it like no other,” she said. “Yes, I agree,” I replied.
She sang song after song as we drove along and I could not get a word in edgewise if I tried. The drive carried on and soon we were getting to a house in the middle of nowhere. “Ok this is where I get off,” she said.
“Where? Here?!!!… that house is abandoned!”
“Oh no it isn’t. Shes just sleeping. she likes to go to bed early,” she replied.
“I dunno about that. I am afraid of the weather for you. Can’t I drive you to one of your other relatives place where to you can use a phone or at least stay warm?”
“N, that is quite alright, you have been a big help to me already.”
I stopped reluctantly and she started to get out.
“Are you sure about this?” I repeated. “At least take this small blanket I have. You can give it to your grandmother as a gift.”
“What a beautiful blanket!!!…” She squealed. “Thank you I am sure she will like it.” and then she got out.
“She loves you you know,” she said as she closed the door.and quickly disappeared into the night.
I waited for something as I sat there dumbfounded and opened the window to yell out to her one more time. “Hey Look!!!!… I really don’t think I can leave you here. Let me take you to a relative or something.”
No sounds were made and she was nowhere to be seen. Under the moonlight a deer stood just in the field looking at me and bounded away.
The wind blows Jim’s house and the floor creaks and I am listening to my heart’s steady rhythm.
(Nov. 20, 2013)
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