Hard to think that I have been an active participant at a Sundance for 15 years. Certain that the feelings of humbliness will last for quite a spell there is sadness of sorts that I have once again completed a 4 year cycle of dancing. Sad that there was closure but also relieved about the same feeling. As Dave Demarais said it: It is like Christmas in July with all the anticipation that goes into it.
I reflect on some of the events and happenings that occurred thru the years and some are quite soul searching but most are funny and fond. I smile at those brothers and sisters I shared time with. We danced together, suffered together and found spiritual strength thru the hardship.
The journey has brought a certain clarity and strength to my worldview and supports the fact that I have to stay on this world for many years to come and continue to pass on knowledge and love to people of all colors and walks of life.
I do not believe that I have become anything anywhere closer to being any sort of medicine person but it has made me find a stronger spiritual person. A spiritual person who is very much human.
Sundance songs race thru my head the same way my cousin Pamela rode her horse across the sky when she left to the spirit world. She darted back and forth while the northern lights danced in glee and clapped their hands as she galloped faster and faster from one end to the other. So too are these songs racing thru my head
The wounds of my piercing remind me of what it means to be humbled. Yes they always hurt but the spirit takes over and all of a sudden you are standing at the end of the rope facing the tree with rope binding you to life cycles.
4 times I dance to the tree gathering my rope and praying for whatever is in my mind and all the time looking at the prayer ties as they blow in the wind. Are my ties there as well? Why would my prayers be any more important than the others? Very humbling. Where are you Granny? Grampa,… I am missing you very much. Grab me in your arms ’cause i am scared…. I want mom and dad to watch me but they are not here in physical form.
I grab the tree and look up at the ties again. This time they reach into the heavens and peace runs thru my heart. I am floating now… Star people are circling above. The Sky is so Blue and vibrant. Color is everywhere… Grandfather!… you are here with me because I feel love. All the pain of the last days are nowhere to be felt. The rope is now at the end pulling on the pegs on my chest. I step back and the tree leans towards me while the wind blows it back. I can feel the vibration of the tree coming thru the rope. Another step backward. The tree won’t let go yet. Big breath,… lean back. Pop,Pop… I am free and watch the pegs, harness and rope fly back towards the tree. Free! Free? Yes i am free… Run around the arbor. I am back in the physical world. That feels good! Thank you Grandfather, Thank you Grandmother, Thank you my relatives. This is Wakinyan Duuta (Red Thunder). I dance again and other people need my help. All is good…
(July 27, 2011)